Lately, thanks to Meghan McBlogger of 2 Birds 1 Blog fame, I have been thinking back to the most awkward times of my life. And i'm an awkward person all around, so that in itself says something.
I have yet to meet an individual that enjoyed this time of their life. My bff Kassi and I were talking about it last weekend. There are wounds from middle school that took a long time to heal. For me most of those wounds usually had something to do with catty gossip. A big traumatic event in my middle school life was this: 2 people (yes, I still remember their names) decided to make a list of all the girls in the school and give them awful nicknames that centered around their faults. The list got found by some who were one the list, including me. Now I dont remember my nickname, but it had something to do with the cellulite on my legs. I wasnt a skinny girl, but I wasnt huge either. I was, of course, self conscious about my body like every other 13 year old girl. This really helped.
In order to deal with this embarrassment I did what (I assume) all girls did at that age; trash talk the enemies by calling them names in letters to friends. I believe the letter included words describing the enemies as whores, sluts, and I probably dropped the 'B' word too. Im sure I also included something about one of the girls teeth because they were by no means straight. While this was not a good way to deal with my feelings, it seemed appropriate at the time.
My mom would sometimes find my notes in the pockets of my jeans during middle school and would read them. I would get madand she would quickly reply with either 'if you dont want someone to know whats in here maybe you shouldnt write it' or 'then empty your pockets!.' Well, with this particular situation my mother didnt see the note, but a teacher did. He yelled at me in front of the whole class and I cried. He also was the basketball coach and it was tryout season. Needless to say I did not make the team that year (it had nothing to do with my fouling and inability to make a shot... it was all the note).
So I was humiliated twice in a day and ended up in tears in the girls bathroom. Actually, that seems to sum up my entire middle school experience.
While I felt like I was being treated unfairly, I was doing the same thing to girls that were part of the lower social status in school... and I feel terrible about it now. Finally I have the foresight to see that the people I was making fun of were the underdogs in life who didnt have it as good as my family. I now work in the social service sector to help the same individuals I talked about behind their backs in order to feel better about myself and fit in with the popular crowd. Eventually I got tired of trying to impress the popular crowd and began to hang out with kids that I related to better... besides their affinity for drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. But that is a story for another day.
Middle school was the ruining of many a teenage...the teachers suck, as they had to play the political games, it was all on who you were, not how well you can play, or how smart you were. Girls are mean, and you handled it very well, Tara was who I was worried about, she always had to have everything every one else did...you were happy with what you had. Remember recently I had a girl from my childhood say, do you remember pushing me in the mud puddle and calling me names? No I dont, Im not suprised though. With age comes forgivness and regret, but all those things made us who we are huh!! You are a wonderful woman!!! xoxoxoxooxox
ReplyDeletemeghan mcblogger has taken over my life. see my blog soon for further details.
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